KNOWING GOD
6:00:00 AM
I was born in
the Philippines. At a young age, I’m aware that there’s a God who created
everything and rules the earth. I profess that I believe in God however, I have
this doubt about God that I keep inside me for at least 18 years of my life. I
wonder, if God is really powerful, mighty and perfect, how come He doesn’t know
how to build a family?
I’m a product
of two broken families. My mom and dad had failed relationship with their first
partner to whom they had children. They fell in love and then I was born. While
it’s clear that this is something I didn’t choose for myself, I can’t
understand why people around me, neighbors, friends and even my teachers tend
to point this out. I felt that my identity is linked to my parents’ choices.
Because of
this, I made a commitment that “I will do
my best to be the best in the all I do, until it will no longer matter to
people how my birth came about”. My goal is to please everyone around me,
my friends, teachers, siblings and my parents. I can vividly remember that one
night, I’d recall how proud they are for what I’ve achieved in college, but to
me, it’s nothing but a façade. I created the Romanelle people will want to see, but the real one is unhappy, empty and despises her own birth story.
On my 18th
birthday, my friend Therie lent me the book “Purpose Driven Life” written by
Rick Warren. She intentionally wanted to give me a copy but she had no budget.
I realized she really wanted me to read this book, so I go ahead and decided to
finish soon not knowing that it is a 40-day devotional book. I thought, okay, I
will scan through it and send it back, but this phrase from the book changed my
mind, “You are not an accident”. These words hit me hard as if it were
written for me, to answer the question I had for a long tie.
“Your
birth was no mistake or mishap, and your life is no fluke of nature. Your
parents may not have planned you, but God did. He was not surprised by your
birth. In fact, he expected it”.
Excerpt
from The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren.
Long story
short, I finished the book in 40 days and it changed my life. Finally,
I
get to know who God really is. Finally, I accepted myself for who I am and what
my life is all about. After reading the book, my life was never the
same again. I started to build my relationship with God and appreciate life
more.
As I recall,
I realized there had been a lot of opportunity for me to know God; Salty, the
Korean missionary I’d met when I was 8, my brother who became a Christian and
my Christian seatmate when I was in 2nd year in college. Every
day we are given an opportunity to know God and His plans for us. But
it takes a decision to grab the opportunity.
Maybe, you’ve read this blog post
for a reason. Maybe, it is not an accident. I want to encourage you to get to
know God, if you haven’t known Him yet. Don’t settle for being aware of God,
but you don’t get the chance to know Him personally and have a relationship
with Him.
Reading that book is one of the best decisions I ever
made. In knowing God, I found clarity in what I believed in and I found clarity in my identity.
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