ROMANELLE: Relationship

My Boyfriend is from Other Church

Since I got married, one of the common advices I get to asked is love life related. The most frequent scenario is when the potential partner is from another church. Why? It’s because this has something to do with my own story. So today, I wanted to share my thoughts on this matter hoping to enlighten and to give advice to others who have a similar situation.

But first, let me share with you why it is encouraged to have a partner that is already a churchmate. Some thought especially the young ones (me included when I was young then) that church leaders are just trying to be too strict or too exclusive. These are not true. It is encouraged this way because when your partner is from the same church, it is somehow safe to assume that you share the same faith, values, vision and same mission. Life will be smoother (generally). Also, accountability is easier because both of you are familiar with your pastor or leader. Lastly and for me the most important, you don’t have to go through a challenging decision on which church to settle with, when it’s time to settle down. These are the advantages of having a partner from the same church. But, if you really think that the person meant for you was planted in another church, here’s what I recommend:

ACCOUNTABILITY

First and most importantly, you have to be accountable and open about your situation to your spiritual leader. Anyway, all blooming relationship either with a churchmate or someone from other church must be under accountability. We need guidance, direction and most of all protection. Open up and seek counsel and keep an open mind as well. Personally, I am reluctant to open up about my budding relationship with my then friend from the other church. I assumed my leader will keep me from seeing him or that she will dictate my decision. But it didn’t happen! My leader gave me the best advices. Although I don’t totally agree with the advices, I keep an open mind and eventually realized that most of it was right. Both you and your potential partner must agree to have a mentor from each church and I want to emphasize that this is a “must” because true love always protects.

PRAYER AND REVELATION

God always reveals His plans if we seek it with all our heart. Dedicate time to pray for it and read the bible. Also, you may want to read Christian books that give relationship advice. Above all, seek guidance from God as if you’re seeking advice to your earthly father. Don’t push your will to God. Rather, give it up to God and ask Him to put His desires in your heart. My then boyfriend (now my husband) and I have a covenant prayer throughout the courtship stage. The covenant prayer guides us in our decision and sustains us in all the stage of our relationship.

TEST THE FRUIT

It is important to weigh the impact of each person that comes to your life. Ask yourself, am I a better person since s/he came into my life? Am I more mature? Is God preparing me to enter a relationship? Test the fruit and evaluate honestly. In my experience, I see how I grow spiritually, emotionally and financially since I enter courtship. I see the same thing with my partner. He started leading cellgroups, sharing the gospel and excelling in his career. Eventually, I see God’s hands preparing us to go to the next level of our life and our relationship.

Before this, I had entered a wrong relationship. While he is a good person, seems to be growing, mature enough and ready to handle a relationship, the enemy used him to steal, kill and destroy me. I say this because spending time with that person steals my time with God. I spent time seeing him instead of going to church. My faith died because we barely talked about faith or God. Although he is a believer of God, he is not the type who likes discussing matters about spirituality. Because he is the person I always talked with and spent my time with, suddenly I lose my passion for quiet time, bible reading and doing my devotion/journaling. My personal relationship with God weakens. In the end, our relationship didn’t work out and I’m left devastated with a broken heart. All these were my fault for not being able to evaluate the fruit early on. Although I knew it then, I choose to ignore.

Everyone’s story is different and unique. This is merely a guidance I came up with while going through my personal journey. Having a mentor whom you can open up the matters of the heart will truly help. Surely, if that person is from God, the universe will conspire for your relationship to move forward. As written in the Bible, if the blessing is from God, He adds no trouble in it. I hope I’ve helped you somehow. See you again in my next post. Happy Valentines!